Loving Heart Longing Soul
by Chaeann Bourne
Summary: 'All my life I'm been wishing for someone to call my mother and a man to respect and look up to as my father'-'I have been waiting for this moment forever and now that it came I'm afraid to tell him but he will surely kill his father if i don't' T/K R/G


_Chey no own Bleach Tite Kubo does…_

**Longing Heart Loving Soul**

I stare across the room watching as the small strong minded teen walked from the room his head held high as he muttered under his breath about Renji and I being stupid. Flashes of holding him in my arms that fateful night crying tears of joy enter my mind and I sigh softly tears budding in my eyes. He had grown so much since I first found him being bullied in the streets of Rukongai by a man at a vender stall. He looked so sad and tired and I could tell he had first begun talking with his Zanpakuto. That night I saved him from killing his 'Granny' and he enter the academy soon after and graduated as a prodigy.

He was so much more mature now and he had even begun falling in love the sad part of all of this was his hatred for the one man he should respect above all else…his own father.

"Rangiku…I know that look and if you don't tell him before the battle then it is sure enough that he will kill his own father." Renji says before standing and walking out carrying his sake with him. I only drank to get rid of the worry and pain that had entered me at the loss of my child and I now had to step up and stop drinking and deal with the ramification of my actions

I stood at the door biting down on my lip before a memory of Toshiro doing the same thing when he worries and a smile graces my face. I move my hand to knock but freeze losing my reserve. "How long are you going to stand there with your hands at the door until you work up the courage to tell me what you came to?" He asks through the door startling me with how perceptive he is…just like Gin.

I open his door and walk in before shutting it and locking it behind me. He looks up from his book and notices my lack of intoxication before placing his book on the table at his side. I move and sit on the chair in front of him before placing my head into my hands and thinking over what I need to say. He startles me by commenting on the obvious.

"You are not inebriated…why is this Matsumoto?" I pull my eyes to meet his and laugh pitifully frowning softly and closing my eyes before beginning.

She sat across from me her baby blue eyes shut tightly as she worked away at her lip roughly. Something was bothering her and I could tell what. That in itself was beginning to frustrate me immensely. I looked up to this woman as a mother figure but if anyone ever found out I would kill them before they could utter a word of my deepest secret.

"Toshiro…please just hear me out on everything. I will start by begging you of something and you will understand at the end of this. If you are to fight Gin please just don't…don't kill him or even fight him." She pauses and I feel anger sweep over me. After everything he has put her through every fucking tear that fell from her kind, caring eyes for that damn man she still begs for his life.

"Why shouldn't I?" I snarl standing and glaring down at her. She frowns and looks up at me with the saddest most miserable eyes I have ever seen. Her lips part and I feel my anger dissipate slightly.

"Gin…he's a good man Toshiro…he's done all of this to…to protect…me…and you." She stops and tears crawl down her face as I stare at her in misunderstanding. She shakes her head back and forth her lips trembling and I squat down and pull her hands to my chest.

"Rangiku…what do you mean?" I murmur soothingly trying to make her look at me. I meet her dismal gaze with tender pleading eyes. She stands and begins to pace her eyes moving about the living room of my apartment a place she has wound up many times in our long running as partners. I grab her hand as a sob moves through her lips and I pull her to the couch I was sitting in before pulling her to me as she tries to explain everything. She begins with my name a few times before pausing and looking at me scrutinizing my features and smiling sorrowfully to herself.

"Toshiro…you're so grown I remember when you were so small…" She trails over and reaches out running her hands through my hair and giggling through her tears. I look at her like she's gone crazy and she sighs. "I remember the night I found out I was pregnant…Gin stood in the living room of his apartment in the sanbantai and he picked me up and swung me around his eyes wide and lively. They portrayed so much love and devotion to our unborn child. I was young and thought to be unfertile because I had been attacked when I was young. The pregnancy was very hard but we had a son on the first snow of that winter. He had snow white hair and the bright blue eyes they reminded me of ice just like Gin's."

Her fingers tighten into fists on her lap and she frowns as her aura becoming angry very quickly. "Ran…gi…ku…"

"Then that fucking snake Aizen had to ruining our family…he told Gin that if he didn't help him…he would kill our child and rape and torture me. Gin made him promise to never harm either me or our child if he joined him but Aizen said on one condition…Gin and I weren't allowed to ever see our child again." Her eyes clamp shut and she grits her teeth together sobs wracking her body fiercely. That bastard I hate him now more than ever.

"Why does any of this matter though?" I ask soothingly and Rangiku unclasps her hand calming slightly and fingering the chain hanging from her neck. Her hand shakes slightly and her lips follow the example of her hands. Her eyes dart to me and then down to her lap as she takes a deep breath.

"Our child's name was Ichimaru…Toshiro…Toshiro Hitsugaya Ichimaru in full." I rear back my mind blanking in astonishment as I stare blankly at the woman in front of me looking back at my gaze with hesitant but longing filled eyes.

Did she just say that I was her child…that I, Toshiro Hitsugaya, was the son of my own fukutaicho, Rangiku Matsumoto, and the ex-taicho of the sanbantai, Gin Ichimaru? Was my entire life a simple lie? Was everything I knew to be true about myself suddenly changing because I had somehow found my mother and fell into place leading her as my fukutaicho simply by accident or had she purposely allowed me to do everything I did and be bullies and then save me?

"Why…why did you bring me back then if Aizen said you could never see me again?" She looks at me in surprise before smiling and wiping at her blue eyes with a still shaking hand.

"I brought you back because Aizen didn't know the name of our child and Gin didn't know who you were because he had never seen you before. I only knew because I was the one that gave you to your Granny when you were an infant. I made myself stay away from many years but then I stumbled upon you when you were young and dealing with your forming Zanpakuto and knew I had to do something. I knew you were mine when I found you that night at your Granny's house." I reach forward and pull her hand into mine and look down feeling a blush rise to my cheeks at what I'm about to reveal.

"I'm glad I have a reason to see you as my mother now…it had become my deepest secret." She gasps ad I look up at her and she is grinning from ear to ear before she squeals and pulls me to her chest squishing my face into her boobs and oddly it's not as suffocating as it once was. "So Ichimaru Gin is my father then?"

She smiles against the top of my head. "Hai…and he would die inside if he were to be killed by you when you were unknowing of your relation to him. When he left he whispered into my ear that he would protect us with his everything."

I stand and pace for a few moments feeling something like acceptance and respect fall into my heart. I already loved Rangiku dearly as a mother figure but knowing she was my mother made it more authentic. Now I began to respect Gin for everything he has done and in time perhaps I will see him as my father as well. For now though… "Then I will protect my father with all that I have because he has done the same for me since my birth…I will protect my family and be like him because him being killed would hurt you…and I will never want to hurt you Kaasan." She looks to me and her eyes widen showing the pure elation in her blue eyed gaze. She leaps from the couch and grabs me pulling my body tightly to hers. She pulls away and runs a tentative hand through my hair understanding that's we've had the mother-son relationship from the very beginning.

"I'm glad musuko…I'm glad you know and accept this…I had worried you would hate me." I look up at her and frown softly before smiling gently.

"Never kaasan…never…" She smiles and looks up to the clock.

"I should leave but tomorrow morning come over and we'll go to breakfast…alright? We'll take things slow at first if you'd like." I nod and hug her tightly to me. She smiles warmly and leaves blowing a kiss to me as the door closes. She looked so happy and relieved. I'm glad I could make her happy.

The door closes and my thoughts crash onto me like a wave but it isn't rough or jarring instead its soothing and calming. For my entire life I have been searching, I hadn't known it until now, for my mother…just to have that mother figure I never had. I wished so badly to have a father I could respect and understand the reason I had been cursed with so much power. I had often cursed my mother for leaving me to struggle but now when I think of her I am so happy. I finally have a family no matter how shattered it is right now…I have a family just like Karin. I don't have to pretend that I don't mind being alone and not minding have a mother or parent figure to dot over me. In fact I'm glad that my mother turned out to be Rangiku I don't think I would want any other woman to be the person I look to for support in the struggles of my life. She's always been there it seems. I'm glad my loving heart no longer is accompanied by a longing soul nor is my mother's. All that's left is to bring my father back.


End file.
